Now you have.

According to this video made by the BBC, sea cucumbers are so disguisting that no predator wants to touch them. When the cunning pearlfish realized that, they decided to hide inside of their buttholes. What a revolutionary idea! It changes my whole outlook on butts.

The sea cucumber is a “walking colon” – an animal that sucks in sand along the ocean floor, then squirts waste out the back end. To the pearlfish, that back end is attractive. In search of a good home, it finds a sea cucumber butt and slides right in. It is such a comfortable house that it invites her pearlfish family and friends to joint it. Everyone is welcome. 

Next time the police wants to arrest me for riding a bike without a light and illegal posession of a raccoon, I’ll go to the zoo and hide inside an elephant’s butt. Even if they read this, I’m pretty sure they won’t try looking for me there.

 

Police in Wellington, New Zealand received a report about a little blue penguin in the city center, near a sushi stall over the weekend. They have captured it and released the animal back into the harbor.

A few days later the little bird returned with an accomplice showing no regard for our silly human laws. Officers said they started building a nest beneath a sushi stall at Wellington Railway Station, in the heart of the city.

After luring them out with salmon, the police again sent the seabirds back to the water, while wildlife officers sealed up the sushi stall’s nooks and crannies to prevent any re-offending.

Department of Conservation manager Jack Mace said their breeding season is starting soon and they were searching for safe places “to set up shop to lay eggs later on.” Safe and close to sushi grade fish. Smart birds.