Spanish police released a statement on Tuesday saying that a Colombian man was detained at Barcelona’s international airport after half a kilo of cocaine was found hidden under an over-sized toupee.

Arriving on a flight from Bogota, the man attracted police attention because he looked nervous and had a disproportionately large hairpiece under his hat. They found a package stuck to his head with about 30,000 euros of cocaine.

“There is no limit to the inventiveness of drug traffickers trying to mock controls,” said the police statement.

The statement enclosed a photo of a middle-aged man showing him with and without the toupee with, but gave no more details of his identity.

A Tennessee police department is asking residents not to flush drugs down the toilet because of fears that wildlife might consume them and exhibit unnatural behaviors.

“Ducks, Geese, and other fowl frequent our treatment ponds and we shudder to think what one all hyped up on meth would do,” the Loretto Police Department posted Saturday on Facebook. “Furthermore, if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama.”

I don’t even want to try to imagine what an Alabama meth-gator might do. That is scary stuff.

It took only seconds for social media comments to start appearing. My favorite is a tweet which said that “This should be the new mascot for a university down there. Think of how terrifying it would be to play the South Alabama Meth Gators.” 

The police department did not mention any cases of a meth-gator causing havoc, but last month police in Alabama arrested a man who allegedly fed meth to a pet squirrel named Deeznutz and trained it to attack people, and a jungle python in Australia reportedly required six weeks of detoxification after absorbing meth through its skin in a lab. The python behaved more aggressively and erratically.

A suspect in Clay County, Missouri, was arrested by the police after a loud fart gave away his hiding spot.

According to the Clay County Sheriff’s Office, over the weekend, Liberty police were searching for a person who had a felony warrant for arrest. The person was wanted for possession of a controlled substance. The suspect hid to avoid police, but apparently let out a fart so loudly, it gave up his hiding spot.

“We’ve gotta give props to Liberty PD for using their senses to sniff him out!” read a Facebook comment from the Clay County Sheriff’s Office.

However, a crucial piece of information was not revealed. What did he eat that forced him to let it rip in the middle of a police chase?

Martin Big, a 31-year-old “model and actress” desperately looking for attention has yet again appeared on a British morning show where she spoke about her plans to hold the world record for having 20-liter implants in each breast.

Martina became famous some months ago when she claimed she can have black babies with her husband, despite them both being white Germans who changed their skin color with injections.

At the moment, Martina is 10 centimeters away from having the biggest boobs in the world, but that will soon change.

“The actual record holder has nine liters in each breast,” she explained. “But my implants, the biggest breast implants in the world are custom made and they weigh 20 liters each side.”

The hosts tried to talk her out of such an endeavor by having her hold two-gallon water bottles and asking her if she wants to carry that weight every day, but she would not be dissuaded. Martina insisted that she will be able to manage that weight with training.

Her existing implants will be gradually enlarged by filling more saline solution into an opening near her armpit. “Step by step, I’m going to try. In the future, it will work for every day.” That’s the attitude, Martina. You go, girl!

 

 

 

A 35-year-old man from Sheboygan, USA, was sentenced Monday to three years of probation for clogging women’s toilets in Deland Park community center and at his place of work.

As conditions of probation, Beeman will have to serve 150 days in jail, pay more than $5,500, not be allowed to possess or consume alcohol or any controlled substances, and complete 100 hours of community service.

Beeman apologized for the damage and stress he caused in a statement he read during the sentencing. “I need to make things right and pray for forgiveness every day,” he said.

He was sentenced for clogging more than a dozen toilets and I would really like to know why he did it. How does one become a serial toilet clogger? Is it an unhappy childhood that makes you clog toilets? Was his father distant? Is there a Netflix true crime show covering this topic? 

Beeman himself did not offer a real explanation. He told police he gets urges to do odd things, like look for bottles in the garbage to plug toilets. He said he stopped when he heard the police were investigating.

After a crash on Peña Boulevard, a road leading to Denver International Airport, the navigation app suggested taking a detour to save time. The problem is that the detour lead the drivers straight into a muddy field.

The alternate route took these vehicles down a dirt road, which had become even messier because of the prior rain. Cars started to slide around, some got stuck, which in turn meant that the vehicles behind them also had no way out.

“So I pulled out my Google Maps to see if there is a better way to go, and it told me to take the next exit and it would be about half the time,” said Connie Monsees, one of the unfortunate drivers who was on the way to pick up her husband at the airport.

“I’m following this line of cars and my thought was, ‘Well, there’s so many other people going, it must be OK,’ ” Monsees told ABC. “So I went ahead … but the thing was, it wasn’t like you could choose to make a U-turn.”

A spokesperson for Google said, “We take many factors into account when determining driving routes, including the size of the road and the directness of the route. While we always work to provide the best directions, issues can arise due to unforeseen circumstances, such as when weather conditions affect the quality of roads. We encourage all drivers to follow local laws, stay attentive, and use their best judgment while driving.”

Why would I stay attentive and use my best judgment when I can just blindly do whatever the phones tells me?

 

A Utah County woman was arrested after falsely reporting that her husband killed her.

Police received a 911 call from a woman saying that a man told her he shot his wife. The woman was allegedly the mistress of the husband, and when the wife found this out she took his phone and left. She then texted the mistress pretending to be him, and told her he shot his wife, wondering how the woman would react. She reacted in a very predictable manner and called the police, of course.

Several officers arrived at the home within minutes and when the alleged murderer walked up to them things got a little bit confusing, but he eventually managed to explain the bizarre sequence of events and convince the police there is nothing wrong with his wife. Except maybe her mental health, but that is not a matter for the police.

The wife was arrested and charged with investigation of criminal mischief and making a false police report involving death. The couple has only been married for 10 months.

It seems that Alfred Hitchcock predicted the future in his iconic thriller The Birds. The only thing that he got wrong is the type of bird that will start the terror, choosing crows to star in his movie rather than the far more evil seagulls.

Evil nesting seagulls kept a couple hostage in their own home for six days by attacking them every time they tried to leave their house.

Roy and Brenda Pickard, from Knott End, England say they were constantly confronted by two noisy seagulls after they built a nest on their roof. There are two baby seagulls in the nest.

Mr. Pickard, 77, who ended up with a bloody head wound that needed hospital treatment after a particularly vicious attack said: “The whole thing has been terrible. I’ve not been able to go out of the front door. If I try to get out of the door, the two adult birds are right there and I’ve got no chance. It’s genuinely frightening.”

He added: “My wife isn’t well or very mobile at the moment so we’re relying on me to get out.

“Thankfully, we have an integrated garage and I can get into it from the kitchen, open the garage door and drive out to get our shopping, but I have to leave the garage door open, which isn’t ideal.”

Wyre Council say the gulls are Herring Gulls and are protected once nesting – which means the couple basically can’t get rid of them.

Hide your wife, dog and cat! Billions of evil “porn star” mutant fleas with huge penises are predicted to invade British homes within the next month.

“The population of fleas seems to have grown rapidly in recent years, but the risk of an infestation could be bigger than ever this summer.” a spokesman for pest controllers Basis Prompt said. 

A warm winter and spring followed by a mild and rainy summer have created perfect breeding conditions for the fleas – including mutant ‘porn star’ fleas – dubbed because their penis is two and a half times longer than their body.

The critters are currently in the midst of their breeding season with males rushing from female to female, with the female fleas giving birth at an incredible rate.

During a police raid in Limestone County, Alabama investigators found a squirrel, supposedly on meth, which was trained to attack visitors.

Investigators were looking for 35-year-old Mickey Paulk who has warrants out for possession of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance and possession of paraphernalia.

Deputies told a local news station that Paulk says he held the squirrel captive and used it as an attack squirrel. They also say he was feeding it meth to keep it aggressive.

“It’s kind of incredulous when you first see it, you know. Somebody’s supposedly got a squirrel that’s an attack squirrel, and supposedly he’s feeding it meth to keep it aggressive. That’s something in 18 years of law enforcement I’ve never seen,” Limestone County public information officer Stephen Young described.

Considering a squirrel needs far less meth than a grown adult in order to stay vigilant, it is certainly more cost-effective than other home security options.  I might train my budgie to do the same. Tweety is about to discover the magic of methamphetamines.