During a police raid in Limestone County, Alabama investigators found a squirrel, supposedly on meth, which was trained to attack visitors.

Investigators were looking for 35-year-old Mickey Paulk who has warrants out for possession of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance and possession of paraphernalia.

Deputies told a local news station that Paulk says he held the squirrel captive and used it as an attack squirrel. They also say he was feeding it meth to keep it aggressive.

“It’s kind of incredulous when you first see it, you know. Somebody’s supposedly got a squirrel that’s an attack squirrel, and supposedly he’s feeding it meth to keep it aggressive. That’s something in 18 years of law enforcement I’ve never seen,” Limestone County public information officer Stephen Young described.

Considering a squirrel needs far less meth than a grown adult in order to stay vigilant, it is certainly more cost-effective than other home security options.  I might train my budgie to do the same. Tweety is about to discover the magic of methamphetamines.

A truck driver in Moorpark, California has been arrested after authorities noticed a fake license plate on his truck.

The Ventura County Sheriff’s Department suspected the 1960s-style yellow-on-black plate was fake because it had wobbly letters and numbers and it read “CALIFAS” instead of “CALIFORNIA.”

The spokesperson for the department said on Monday that a motorcycle officer spotted the plate and pulled the driver over in the city of Moorpark, northwest of Los Angeles.

This skilled painter was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of drugs, possessing methamphetamine, being an unlicensed driver and having an active arrest warrant. The drugs must have helped inspire such an amazing piece of art.

A Florida man was arrested over the weekend after police officers caught him with cocaine on his nose at a traffic stop.

At around 4:30 a.m. local time on Sunday, deputies from the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office pulled over a vehicle at a traffic stop in Tampa, Florida. When authorities approached the car, a deputy immediately noticed that a passenger in the car had a white powdery substance on his nose. Investigators recognized the powder as cocaine and the passenger was later identified as 20-year-old Fabricio Tueros Jimenez.

Deputies photographed Jimenez’s nose before swabbing the substance for a test, the results of which proved that the substance did contain cocaine. “Jimenez was arrested without incident but he attempted to tell the deputies the cocaine on his nose was not his,” according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. Of course, it’s not his. He was just keeping it there for a friend.

Authorities also found a backpack contained 250 grams of marijuana and 13 Xanax tablets after searching the vehicle and an additional small bag of cocaine in Jimenez’s possession.

 

 

Finally! I have been witnessing this disgusting sexual abuse of hair dryers in my gym for years and was longing for the day someone does something about it.

A swimming pool in Iceland took to action after a local swimmer Haraldur Jónasson wrote a letter of complaint that was published in a local newspaper. 

Titled “This is not a ball sack dryer” it read: “Don‘t dry your ball sack or your butt with the communal hairdryer in the swimming pool or the gym. Bald older gentlemen with hairy torsos must either bring their own blow-dryers or just buy a more absorbent towel.” 

This phenomenon is, of course, not just a problem in Iceland. A quick google search will bring you to a Reddit thread asking “old men who blow dry your balls in gym locker rooms, why do you do it?”. It has hundreds of responses, but the most common excuses given are avoiding “dampness,” “stickiness” and “friction” caused by a towel.

Just get a better towel, you horrible sex offenders! 

A few days ago, residents of the Phoenix area in the United States saw interesting shapes in the sky left by military airplanes. Many claimed the shapes resembled penises, which I agree with. The photos of the shapes received a lot of attention online and the US Air Force felt they need to clear things up.

Officials from said their pilots did not intentionally draw male anatomy with aircraft contrails in the skies above the Phoenix area.

Base spokesperson Becky Heyse told the Arizona Republic that leadership of the 56th Fighter Wing has reviewed the photos and flight audio to determine the shapes were made unintentionally. The F-35 fighter jets were conducting standard training maneuvers Tuesday. Heyse says the contrails were made as the jets were about to engage in a simulated dogfight.

If you ask me, if it looks like an intentional sky penis, swims like an intentional sky penis, quacks like an intentional sky penis, it probably is an intentional sky penis. No matter what officials say.

In a news release this week from the Department of Energy (DoE), Mark W Menezes, the US undersecretary of energy, called one of the country’s most important natural resources “freedom gas” while bragging about the DoE’s approval of increased exports of natural gas produced by a Freeport LNG terminal off the coast of Texas.

“Increasing export capacity from the Freeport LNG project is critical to spreading freedom gas throughout the world by giving America’s allies a diverse and affordable source of clean energy,” he said.

He also added that “With the US in another year of record-setting natural gas production, I am pleased that the Department of Energy is doing what it can to promote an efficient regulatory system that allows for molecules of US freedom to be exported to the world,”

I thought freedom gas is what comes out of my ass after eating a massive burrito?! It does have a similar detrimental effect on people’s health.

Authorities say a Florida man impersonating an officer turned on the red and blue lights on his car and unknowingly tried to stop a car with a real officer.

Matthew Erris, 26, was arrested on a charge of impersonating a public officer.

The arrest report says Erris turned on the red and blue lights on his SUV in Plant City, Florida, to try to stop the car in front of him.

The driver was an undercover Hillsborough County sheriff’s detective in an unmarked car. He didn’t pull over. Instead, he called dispatchers to alert other deputies, who later stopped Erris. It is not known why Erris tried to stop the car, but he did admit using the lights to get through heavy traffic.

A television station in Sweden station unintentionally played subtitles from a children’s television show during a political debate. 

The debate involved Liberal People’s Party leader Jan Björklund, Education Minister Gustav Fridolin, and Urban Ahlin, Speaker of the Riksdag, the national legislature of Sweden.

The debate started with Sweden’s Minister for the Environment, Åsa Romson welcoming everybody by saying (according to the subtitles) “Greetings, earth creature” and things only got funnier from there. 

 

The subtitles come from the PBS children’s TV show Dinosaur Train. You can find the rest of the screenshots on the profile of Imgur user TheBlondeSwede who also translated it all for us.

A mom in Georgia found a box of Legos in a consignment shop in Charleston, South Carolina and figured it would be a good gift for her child back home in Statesboro. But when the lucky boy opened the box, he didn’t find any Legos. He found a bag with 3.2 (1.5 kg) pounds of methamphetamine worth around $40,000.

Jim Riggs, the sheriff’s investigator, told the Statesboro Herald that the woman didn’t know she was transporting drugs when she took the Lego box back home.

“They took it and gave it to a young child, who opened the box” and was likely very disappointed, Riggs said, adding that the intended recipients were probably even more upset.

The Lego box was shrink-wrapped to look like it came from the factory but may have been purposely sent to an incorrect address before it ended up on the consignment store’s shelves.

According to a Facebook post from the Bulloch County Sheriff’s Office, no charges have been filed in the case. 

The Indian navy has put the country’s first and only nuclear-missile submarine, the $2.9 billion INS Arihant, out of commission.

The Hindu reported that the Arihant has been out of commission since suffering “major damage” some 10 months ago, due to what a navy source characterized as a “human error”. Water flooded the sub’s propulsion compartment after someone failed to secure one of the vessel’s external hatches.

Water “rushed in as a hatch on the rear side was left open by mistake while [the Arihant] was at harbor” in February 2017, shortly after the submarine’s launch, The Hindu reports. Since then, the sub “has been undergoing repairs and clean up,” according to the paper: “Besides other repair work, many pipes had to be cut open and replaced.”

No one ever thought of installing a sensor that warns you if the hatch is open? I can’t even start my washing machine without closing the door first.