The Irish Medical Journal recounted a case of a 33-year-old man who repeatedly injected himself with his own semen in order to cure his back pain. After a few doses of semen injected in his forearm the pain miraculously disappeared!

Nah, just joking. He had to be hospitalized. “This is the first reported case of semen injection for use as a medical treatment,” doctors in Dublin wrote in the case study, titled “‘Semenly’ Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess.”

The problem was noticed when he showed up at a doctor’s office complaining of severe back pain. The physician noticed the man’s right arm appeared swollen and inflamed. “The patient disclosed that he had intravenously injected his own semen as an innovative method to treat back pain,” doctors wrote in the study. “He had devised this ‘cure’ independent of any medical advice.”

After a short treatment, our medical genius left the hospital pain- and swollen-arm-free. The report concludes with a warning that medical experimentation is dangerous and it’s risky for untrained individuals to inject themselves with substances not intended for intravenous use. This means that you should definitely not inject yourself with bodily discharge of any kind, including semen, urine, feces, ear wax and the tears of your enemies.

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