This is just the healthtrend that humanity needed. All those billions of buttholes, which have never seen the sun, finally have the opportunity.

In recent months the internet has been talking about a new self-care method called “butthole sunning”. It has started to gain attention, mostly thanks to a few social media influencers whose photos and videos have gone viral.

Apparently, an Instagram video by user @ra_of_earth came first in October, showing three completely nude men lying down on their backs, butts to the sky, to soak up some rays.

“In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on,” he said in the video.

Another Instagram user called Metaphysical Megan said that “In Taoism, the perineum or Hui Yin is called the ‘Gate of Life and Death’. This is a gateway where energy enters and exits the body.”

I thougth that only penises and penis shaped objects enter and feces exits the body from that particular gateway.

A 46-year-old man from North Carolina claimed for years he did not touch alcohol, but no one believed him. He was prone to falls, displayed brain fog and aggressive behaviour and was even arrested for driving while under the influence of alcohol. 

His family, police and doctors believed that he was just a closet drinker. Only years later researchers at the Richmond University Medical Center in New York discovered that the man was telling the truth. He was not hiding his alcohol addiction, instead there was yeast in his gut that was converting carbohydrate to alcohol. In other words, his stomach was brewing beer.

First I thought this was some kind of Onion story, but then I saw that Wikipedia has an article on the condition, which means that it is absolutely 100% true:

Auto-brewery syndrome is a rare medical condition in which intoxicating quantities of ethanol are produced through endogenous fermentation within the digestive system. Saccharomyces cerevisiae, a type of yeast, has been identified as a pathogen for this condition. Recent research has also shown that Klebsiella pneumoniae bacteria can similarly ferment carbohydrates to alcohol in the gut which can accelerate Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease.

“These patients have the exact same implications of alcoholism: the smell, the breath, drowsiness, gait changes. They will present as someone who’s intoxicated by alcohol, but the only difference here is that these patients can be treated by antifungal medications.” said Fahad Malik, the chief internal medicine resident at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

Sounds amazing! Where can I get me one of these?

Grandma is a fucking liar.

First of all, why is there such a thing as laxative chocolate? What kind of evil human being would invent that?! Everybody knows that once you start eating a chocolate bar you don’t stop until it is gone. It doesn’t matter if it is laced with laxatives.

Author Abby Jimenez recently shared the story of how she thought her husband was dying because he managed to unintentionally take twelve doses of laxatives.

The laxatives the couple had at home came in the form of a chocolate bar, with the instructions to eat one to two squares. However, like all real men, her husband did not read any stupid instructions and ate the whole thing. 

Abby wrote: “So last night my husband took some Ex-lax. Then this morning, some shit started going down. Like, literaly. So I’m calling Poison Control because he thought he was dying and I literally cannot stop laughing. I’m barely able to talk, I’m laughing so hard. ‘The guy on the other end probably thought it was a prank call. I swear to God, I hope they record their calls and enjoy that one at the staff meeting later because even thinking about me trying to explain that my 39 year old husband just ate a whole brick of Ex-lax is making me wheeze. ‘The guy was like, “The biggest risks are cramping, dehydration, and diaper rash”.”

That must have been a fun experience.