Remember that guy who never washed his penis in his life? If you are considering buying him a birthday present, this might be the right choice.

A new product has started to appear in supermarkets and on Amazon. It is called Boners Penis Cleaner and the name says it all.

According to some Amazon reviews, it is fantastic. One gave the product five stars, and added: “Amazing, penis looked magical afterwards and smelled like rainbows.” Another wrote: “After testing the three most used methods of penis cleansing, I have found that out of soap and water, green tea shampoo and Boners penis cleaner that this product would have had five stars if it was priced for sale in B&M or the local pound shop,” they wrote.

First of all, I have the feeling that washing your penis with a bit of soap and water and hanging a Little Tree car air freshener on it would give you the same magical effect. Second, what does a rainbow smell like?

Can`t he just take some heroin to feel amazing like all the normal people do? Where does he get old urine from? Do his friends pee in bottles and save it for him? Does a man who drinks pee every day even have friends? This is disgusting.

Fabian Farquharson, a 37-year-old interior designer from Sheffield, England has been drinking urine every day for the past three years.

Back in 2013, after suffering from stomach pains which doctors were not able to diagnose, Fabian decided to take matters into his own hands and practice some good old Google and Facebook medicine. He read a lot about the health benefits of urine and decided to try it out for himself.

“I was travelling a lot for work and eating junk food – Burger King, McDonald’s, anything convenient,” Fabian says without stopping to think that crappy food was the cause of his stomach problems and all he needed to do was to eat a tomato every once in a while.

Instead Fabian decided to become a fruitarian and drink urine. First he drank it fresh, later he started fermenting it for 30 days because by ageing it goes through a “magnification process” and becomes even more amazing.

“It tasted a bit like a bitter ale initially, it was quite strong but not a terrible taste and I had no problem finishing the glass. It was about half an hour later that I started to feel amazing, I was absolutely bursting with energy. Now I’d never go a day without it and would recommend it to anyone.”

Whatever floats your boat, Fabian. Bottoms up! (gags violently)

The best part is that he made this confession on TV. The 24-year-old Zack appeared on the TV show The Sex Clinic complaining of pain and an ‘irritated tip’ of the penis. He also mentioned a smell that was emanating from his crotch area. Gross, Zack! Just Gross! I am fighting not to throw up while I’m typing this.

Zack told the doctor he’d been having some issues retracting his foreskin. It was at this point that he mentioned that during the whole 24 years he was on this planet, he hadn’t pulled his own foreskin back and washed it properly. He also previously “had the clap” and “caught Gonorrhea from some lass too.”

The Oscar for the most disgusting penis definitely goes to you, Zack. You have outgrossed them all. Congratulations!

This is not a joke, although it does sound like the plot of a silly romantic comedy. A woman from the city Xiamen recently woke up to find that she couldn’t hear any male voices, including that of her boyfriend, while still being able to hear female voices.

The woman, identified only as Chen, had ringing in her ears as well as nausea the night before. But things only got worse the following morning when she couldn’t hear her boyfriend’s voice. She was then rushed to a local hospital and it was found that she could hear the voice of her female specialist, Dr. Lin Xiaoqing, but still couldn’t hear other male voices. “She was able to hear me when I spoke to her, but when a young male patient walked in, she couldn’t hear him at all,” the doctor said.

The doctor soon diagnosed Chen with reverse-slope hearing loss, an extremely rare condition in which patients become unable to hear low-frequency sounds (like those of deeper male voices) while retaining the ability to hear higher-frequency sounds (like those of female voices). While high-frequency hearing loss is much more common in humans, with one in approximately 12,000-13,000 hearing loss sufferers the opposite happens.

1.Dead Mice

The Egyptians applied dead mice paste in their mouth to ease toothache. It is a shame there is no recipe left because, aside from ridding you from toothache, it also sounds delicious. If you had a wart in Elizabethan England, you would cut a mouse in half and apply it to the spot.

2.Sheep liver diagnosis

Just as many contemporary geniuses, the ancient Mesopotamians have very early realized that scientific analysis and diagnosis are nonsense and diagnosed patients not by examining them, but by examining the liver of a sacrificed sheep. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

3.Cutting off the tounge

No, it was not used for curing unruly children who talked back to their parents, but to cure stuttering. Unfortunately, it did not work as well as sheep liver diagnosis and patients continued to stutter while some bled to death.

4.Pulling out the giant tooth worm living inside of you

The benefits of this treatment are pretty obvious.

5.Crocodile dung contraception

Again the ancient Egyptians with their creative solutions for everyday problems. They would insert dry crocodile dung into vaginas, thinking that it will soften when it reaches body temperature and create an impenetrable barrier. I guess pulling out was not an option.

6.Goat testicles

In the early 1900s, John Brinkley became one of the richest doctors in America, despite having no medical qualifications. He claimed he could cure impotence, infertility, and other sexual problems by surgically implanting goat testicles into a man’s scrotum. The surgery had no scientific merit and was extremely dangerous. Many patients died. I wonder if he replace them with goat testicles or did he just add more of them to the scrotum? Could you then have three testicles? I want to have seven. 

7.Farts in a jar

This historical medical treatment is my absolute favorite on th list. I always claimed that farts can heal the body and the soul. Doctors in the middle ages agreed with me and believed that bad smells have therapeutic effects. Some urged people to keep goats in the home. Others recommended flatulence stored in jars. Each time the deadly pestilence appeared in the neighborhood, people were to open the jars and take a whiff. 

8.The doctor telling you that extremely large testicles are not good for you while wearing a pot on his head

What else can he do?

The Irish Medical Journal recounted a case of a 33-year-old man who repeatedly injected himself with his own semen in order to cure his back pain. After a few doses of semen injected in his forearm the pain miraculously disappeared!

Nah, just joking. He had to be hospitalized. “This is the first reported case of semen injection for use as a medical treatment,” doctors in Dublin wrote in the case study, titled “‘Semenly’ Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess.”

The problem was noticed when he showed up at a doctor’s office complaining of severe back pain. The physician noticed the man’s right arm appeared swollen and inflamed. “The patient disclosed that he had intravenously injected his own semen as an innovative method to treat back pain,” doctors wrote in the study. “He had devised this ‘cure’ independent of any medical advice.”

After a short treatment, our medical genius left the hospital pain- and swollen-arm-free. The report concludes with a warning that medical experimentation is dangerous and it’s risky for untrained individuals to inject themselves with substances not intended for intravenous use. This means that you should definitely not inject yourself with bodily discharge of any kind, including semen, urine, feces, ear wax and the tears of your enemies.