A good way to know what a person was like while alive is to read their obituaries.  Check out the obituary for Lawrence H Pfaff Sr., published in the Florida Times-Union. Old Lawrence was most likely a massive dick.

Lawrence H Pfaff Sr. was born in Belmont, NY, on April 16, 1941. He passed away on June 27, 2022, living a long life, much longer than he deserved. He is survived by his three children, no four. Oops, five children. Well as of 2022 we believe there is one more that we know about, but there could be more. His love was abundant when it came to himself, but for his children it was limited. From a young age, he was a ladies’ man and an abusive alcoholic, solidifying his commitment to both with the path of destruction he left behind, damaging his adult children, and leaving them broken.

A school in Nashville, Tennessee has banned JK Rowling’s Harry Potter books after the pastor who runs the school declared the books contain real spells and curses. 

Reverend Dan Reehill, of St Edward Catholic School in Nashville, told parents in an email that he had spoken to exorcists in the US and at the Vatican before banning the book series.

“These books present magic as both good and evil, which is not true, but in fact a clever deception. The curses and spells used in the books are actual curses and spells; which when read by a human being risk conjuring evil spirits into the presence of the person reading the text,” Reverend Reehill wrote.

Rebecca Hammel, the superintendent of schools for the Catholic Diocese of Nashville, said since the Catholic Church does not have an official position on the Harry Potter Mr Reehill has the final say on the subject.

“Each pastor has canonical authority to make such decisions for his parish school,” she said. “He’s well within his authority to act in that manner.”

Doorbell surveillance cameras in Henrico County, Virginia captured a man with a TV set over his head, leaving older TV sets  on people’s front porches and just walking off. The ancient devices were found at more than 50 homes.

“He wants to be known as the TV Santa Claus. I don’t know. We got an old tube-style TV, 13 inch- I thought my son brought it home, but apparently not. They had way too much time on their hands if they had all these TV’s and spread them all over the neighborhood. It’s summer, and people are getting ready to go back to school. Maybe TV man was just ready to strike and put a little humor in our lives.” said homeowner Jim Brooksbank.

Officers and county workers spent Sunday morning picking up the old units and hauling them away.

This is the second time the police and residents had to deal with the TV set mystery. The same thing happened in a different neighborhood last August. According to Henrico Police, the only crime committed was illegal dumping.

Considering that in a lot of US towns you have to pay 25 dollars to dispose of an old TV, this little stunt saved TV Head a lot of money.

This entitled country girl seems to be an expert.

It happened again, this time in Canada. Somehow, I have the feeling that this will keep happening. A few days ago Canadian police livestreamed a press conference on Facebook about a double homicide using a filter that made an officer appear to have whiskers and cat ears.

A spokesman for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police of British Columbia apologized for the “technical difficulties,” and explained that an “automatic setting” on Facebook Live had been switched on. The press conference was re-recorded without the cat filter and the new version was posted to Facebook Friday.

The not so funny part of this otherwise hilarious incident is that the press conference addressed the double homicide of American Chynna Noelle Deese, 24, who was visiting her Australian boyfriend, Lucas Robertson Fowler, 23, in Canada for vacation.

An award-winning lamb is currently under investigation and its title may be taken away after veterinarians at the Logan County Fair in Ohio found illegal drugs in its system.

It is suspected that the champion lamb was given a performance-enhancing diuretic, which is banned from competition because it makes the animal’s muscles feel leaner.

“We don’t know how it got in there, and we may never know. But it’s the exhibitor’s responsibility to present an animal to the fair for competition that’s free of all of those,” said Dr. Tony Forshey, the state veterinarian at the Ohio Department of Agriculture.

It was entered into the competition by a young 4-H member when it tested positive for the illegal drugs. 4-H is a network of youth organizations created to engage the development of young people and is administered by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture.

The lamb is currently being held until all the drugs are flushed out of its system. After that, it will be sent to slaughter and taken to market. A sad end to a promising career in lamb beauty pageants.

Five guys were arrested at a Five Guys Burgers and Fries in Florida after allegedly getting into a fistfight.

The Stuart Police Department announced the arrests on Facebook: “Five guys were involved in the fight, and those five guys found themselves under arrest.”

A witness said a cup was thrown and a door slammed in someone’s face before an “all-out brawl” broke out, according to an arrest report. The cause of the fight is unknown.

Three male juveniles and two adult men were charged and processed at the Martin County Jail for a first degree misdemeanor charge resulting from two or more people fighting in a public place and disturbing the peace.

Keith Morine and Loren Perine, of Stuart, who are both 18, were arrested and booked into the Martin County Jail, the newspaper reported. The three male minors were fingerprinted, booked into the jail and later released to parents.