Hide your wife, dog and cat! Billions of evil “porn star” mutant fleas with huge penises are predicted to invade British homes within the next month.

“The population of fleas seems to have grown rapidly in recent years, but the risk of an infestation could be bigger than ever this summer.” a spokesman for pest controllers Basis Prompt said. 

A warm winter and spring followed by a mild and rainy summer have created perfect breeding conditions for the fleas – including mutant ‘porn star’ fleas – dubbed because their penis is two and a half times longer than their body.

The critters are currently in the midst of their breeding season with males rushing from female to female, with the female fleas giving birth at an incredible rate.

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