A 46-year-old man from North Carolina claimed for years he did not touch alcohol, but no one believed him. He was prone to falls, displayed brain fog and aggressive behaviour and was even arrested for driving while under the influence of alcohol. 

His family, police and doctors believed that he was just a closet drinker. Only years later researchers at the Richmond University Medical Center in New York discovered that the man was telling the truth. He was not hiding his alcohol addiction, instead there was yeast in his gut that was converting carbohydrate to alcohol. In other words, his stomach was brewing beer.

First I thought this was some kind of Onion story, but then I saw that Wikipedia has an article on the condition, which means that it is absolutely 100% true:

Auto-brewery syndrome is a rare medical condition in which intoxicating quantities of ethanol are produced through endogenous fermentation within the digestive system. Saccharomyces cerevisiae, a type of yeast, has been identified as a pathogen for this condition. Recent research has also shown that Klebsiella pneumoniae bacteria can similarly ferment carbohydrates to alcohol in the gut which can accelerate Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease.

“These patients have the exact same implications of alcoholism: the smell, the breath, drowsiness, gait changes. They will present as someone who’s intoxicated by alcohol, but the only difference here is that these patients can be treated by antifungal medications.” said Fahad Malik, the chief internal medicine resident at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

Sounds amazing! Where can I get me one of these?

And end it 10 minutes later with vomit on your shirt and Sharpie dicks on your forehead.

Hey, completely wasted lady! That does not look like your phone. And how can you smoke that menthol crap?

Over 1000 litres of seized liquor kept in the storehouse of a police station in Uttar Pradesh, India, has disappeared and local policemen blame rats for drinking it.

Rats have also earlier been blamed for drinking liquor in the state of Bihar where alcohol is banned, narcotics in Jharkhand and currency notes in Assam. They were also accused of causing floods in Bihar.

The latest incident came to light on Wednesday when the police station storage was opened to bring out the body of a stray dog which had sneaked into it a few days ago and died inside. But when its doors were opened, it was also found that several gallons of moonshine seized from illegal manufacturing units had vanished into thin air. Staff then blamed the rodents.

This is not the first time that rodents have been blamed for the disappearance of liquor. In Bihar, where prohibition is in force, rodents were last year believed to have finished off more than 9 liters of alcohol which the police had seized. Rats are such alcoholic dicks. They always drink all the booze and leave nothing for the thirsty policemen.

Superintendent of police Abhinandan Singh said an inquiry into the incident would be conducted to ascertain whether the liquor was consumed by rats or something else had happened to it. I am 100% sure that 1000 litres of liquor were consumed by tiny little rats and not stolen by corrupt policemen at all.