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“Poop Every Other Day” is Brazil President’s Solution for a Cleaner Planet

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro suggested on Friday that people “poop every other day” as a way to save the environment, after he was criticised for a surge in deforestation of the Amazon.

“It’s enough to eat a little less. You talk about environmental pollution. It’s enough to poop every other day. That will be better for the whole world.” the far-right politician and all-round horrible person gave the answer to a journalist who asked if it was possible to simultaneously accelarate economic growth, feed the world’s hungry and also preserve the environment.

Bolsonaro has been criticised for a rapid acceleration in deforestation of the Amazon rainforest, which covers vast areas of Brazil and is considered essential to combatting global warming.

According to Brazil’s National Institute for Space Research (INPE), which tracks cutting of the rainforest, around 2,254 square kilometers of the Amazon were cleared in July, an increase of 278 percent from a year ago.

That followed a 90 percent increase in June compared to the year before. Bolsonaro called these numbers “lies”.

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Judge rules identical twins must both pay support for nine-year-old girl

A Brazilian judge has ruled that both twins have to pay support for the child after a DNA test failed to identify which one was her father. One of the two twins doesn`t want to admit he is the dad.

Each man will have to pay 30% of the monthly minimum salary in Brazil and share the medical, dental, clothing and school costs.

“One of the brothers, in bad faith, seeks to conceal paternity. Such behavior should not be protected by the judiciary,” Judge Felipe Peruca wrote in his ruling. “Since adolescence, the pair used their identical appearance to hide betrayals and win over more women,” the Goiás justice tribunal said in a statement, explaining that the mother had a brief relationship with the father after both met at a party. “He told me he had a twin brother, but I wasn’t introduced. At the time I didn’t suspect anything,” the mother said.

Both paternity tests came out 99.9% positive since identical twins come from the same fertilized egg and have the same DNA. A test exists that could resolve this issue, but it costs 15,000 dollars and the results are not necessarily conclusive.

I guess the little girl has two dads now and one of them is a massive dick.

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