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This is just the healthtrend that humanity needed. All those billions of buttholes, which have never seen the sun, finally have the opportunity.

In recent months the internet has been talking about a new self-care method called “butthole sunning”. It has started to gain attention, mostly thanks to a few social media influencers whose photos and videos have gone viral.

Apparently, an Instagram video by user @ra_of_earth came first in October, showing three completely nude men lying down on their backs, butts to the sky, to soak up some rays.

“In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on,” he said in the video.

Another Instagram user called Metaphysical Megan said that “In Taoism, the perineum or Hui Yin is called the ‘Gate of Life and Death’. This is a gateway where energy enters and exits the body.”

I thougth that only penises and penis shaped objects enter and feces exits the body from that particular gateway.

According to this video made by the BBC, sea cucumbers are so disguisting that no predator wants to touch them. When the cunning pearlfish realized that, they decided to hide inside of their buttholes. What a revolutionary idea! It changes my whole outlook on butts.

The sea cucumber is a “walking colon” – an animal that sucks in sand along the ocean floor, then squirts waste out the back end. To the pearlfish, that back end is attractive. In search of a good home, it finds a sea cucumber butt and slides right in. It is such a comfortable house that it invites her pearlfish family and friends to joint it. Everyone is welcome. 

Next time the police wants to arrest me for riding a bike without a light and illegal posession of a raccoon, I’ll go to the zoo and hide inside an elephant’s butt. Even if they read this, I’m pretty sure they won’t try looking for me there.