Remember that guy who never washed his penis in his life? If you are considering buying him a birthday present, this might be the right choice.

A new product has started to appear in supermarkets and on Amazon. It is called Boners Penis Cleaner and the name says it all.

According to some Amazon reviews, it is fantastic. One gave the product five stars, and added: “Amazing, penis looked magical afterwards and smelled like rainbows.” Another wrote: “After testing the three most used methods of penis cleansing, I have found that out of soap and water, green tea shampoo and Boners penis cleaner that this product would have had five stars if it was priced for sale in B&M or the local pound shop,” they wrote.

First of all, I have the feeling that washing your penis with a bit of soap and water and hanging a Little Tree car air freshener on it would give you the same magical effect. Second, what does a rainbow smell like?

The best part is that he made this confession on TV. The 24-year-old Zack appeared on the TV show The Sex Clinic complaining of pain and an ‘irritated tip’ of the penis. He also mentioned a smell that was emanating from his crotch area. Gross, Zack! Just Gross! I am fighting not to throw up while I’m typing this.

Zack told the doctor he’d been having some issues retracting his foreskin. It was at this point that he mentioned that during the whole 24 years he was on this planet, he hadn’t pulled his own foreskin back and washed it properly. He also previously “had the clap” and “caught Gonorrhea from some lass too.”

The Oscar for the most disgusting penis definitely goes to you, Zack. You have outgrossed them all. Congratulations!

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