Finally! I have been witnessing this disgusting sexual abuse of hair dryers in my gym for years and was longing for the day someone does something about it.

A swimming pool in Iceland took to action after a local swimmer Haraldur Jónasson wrote a letter of complaint that was published in a local newspaper. 

Titled “This is not a ball sack dryer” it read: “Don‘t dry your ball sack or your butt with the communal hairdryer in the swimming pool or the gym. Bald older gentlemen with hairy torsos must either bring their own blow-dryers or just buy a more absorbent towel.” 

This phenomenon is, of course, not just a problem in Iceland. A quick google search will bring you to a Reddit thread asking “old men who blow dry your balls in gym locker rooms, why do you do it?”. It has hundreds of responses, but the most common excuses given are avoiding “dampness,” “stickiness” and “friction” caused by a towel.

Just get a better towel, you horrible sex offenders! 

Winter is here and you don´t want to use your own feet for walking.

Sam O’Nella from the comedy-educational series “Sam O’Nella Academy” has created a video about Christmas traditions you might not have heard of. As always, Iceland is the clear winner when it comes to origniality, brutality and sheer insanity of their folklore traditions and legends.

What are necropants? I’m glad you asked. Let me tell you how to make your own.

If you want to make your own necropants (literally; nábrók) you have to get permission from a living man to use his skin after his death. After he has been buried you must dig up his body and flay the skin of the corpse in one piece from the waist down. As soon as you step into the pants they will stick to your own skin. A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper. Consequently, the coin will draw money into the scrotum so it will never be empty, as long as the original coin is not removed. To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to overtake the pants and step into each leg as soon as he gets out of it. The necropants will thus keep the money-gathering nature for generations.

What a fun bunch these Icelanders were! If you want to see a real pair of necropants, visit the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft in Homlmavik, Iceland.

They are called fretrúnir (“fart runes”) and they were used by people in Iceland against their enemies, friends, bitchy ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends, rich grandparents who refused to die and everyone else whose stomachs they wanted to upset.

They were runes that “afflict your belly with great shitting and shooting pains and all these may afflict your belly with very great farting. May your bones split asunder, may your guts burst, may your farting never stop, neither day nor night.” There is one recorded case from 1654 where a man was burnt at the stake after admitting casting Fretrúnir on a local girl. What a wonderful tradition! It’s a shame those young people just stand around in their ugly Yeezys, stare at their phones all day and don’t appreciate the old ways anymore. Speaking of Yeezys, can someone please cast Fretrúnir on Kanye West?

Read more about the runes here including detailed instructions on how to cast the spell.