Such elegance!

You win some, you lose some. Although “you lose some, you lose some” would probably be the more appropriate idiom here. A man from Washington state experienced a lose/lose situation when his car was stolen while he was busy robbing the business across the street.

At around 6:00a.m. Sunday, Kennewick Police responded to reports of an auto theft. The owner of the vehicle, William Kelley, called police saying that someone had stolen his red, 1992 Chevy pick-up. According to police, a man noticed that Kelley had left his keys behind on the seat and stole the truck.

After surveillance video was analyzed, police discovered that the reason Kelley had left his truck was because he was  stealing items from a business across the street.

Kelley was of course booked in the Benton County jail on a warrant and a new burglary charge. He car was not found.

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro suggested on Friday that people “poop every other day” as a way to save the environment, after he was criticised for a surge in deforestation of the Amazon.

“It’s enough to eat a little less. You talk about environmental pollution. It’s enough to poop every other day. That will be better for the whole world.” the far-right politician and all-round horrible person gave the answer to a journalist who asked if it was possible to simultaneously accelarate economic growth, feed the world’s hungry and also preserve the environment.

Bolsonaro has been criticised for a rapid acceleration in deforestation of the Amazon rainforest, which covers vast areas of Brazil and is considered essential to combatting global warming.

According to Brazil’s National Institute for Space Research (INPE), which tracks cutting of the rainforest, around 2,254 square kilometers of the Amazon were cleared in July, an increase of 278 percent from a year ago.

That followed a 90 percent increase in June compared to the year before. Bolsonaro called these numbers “lies”.

President Donald Trump launched his 2020 presidential campaign at a rally in Orlando, Florida, Tuesday with a series of very bold promises to a full stadium of cheering supporters.

He told supporters: “We will push onward with new medical frontiers. We will come up with the cures to many, many problems, to many, many diseases — including cancer and others and we’re getting closer all the time. We will eradicate AIDS in America once and for all and we’re very close. We will lay the foundation for landing American astronauts on the surface of Mars.”

He also promised to build a wall on the Mexican border, stop the sun from shining in people’s eyes, make golf a mandatory school subject, legalize dad-daughter incest and make the Big Mac the official national dish of the United States of America. He has yet to elaborate on how exactly he wants to fulfill those promises.

Two obviously very intelligent individuals from Arkansas, USA took turns shooting one another while wearing a bulletproof vest, according to police who arrested them for felony assault.

This is a beautiful story that needs to be told in full. Ferris, who was wearing a bulletproof vest, told Hicks to shoot him. Hicks obliged, firing a single round from a .22 caliber rifle into Ferris’s chest. While the vest stopped the bullet, Ferris was left with a painful welt on his chest. Ferris said that he was “pissed” about being shot, and after Hicks put on the vest he proceeded to “unload the clip” into Hicks’s back. None of the five rounds penetrated the protective vest, but Hicks “was bruised from them hitting him.”

When Ferris subsequently sought medical treatment for the shooting injury, hospital workers called the police. Instead of admitting that he and Hicks had shot each other, Ferris told a crazy story about coming under fire by a mystery assailant while he was protecting an individual he referred to as an “asset.” Ferris claimed that he was paid $200 to protect the “asset,” whom he had met in a bar in the city of Springdale. Despite his story being very convincing, it did not help him get out of trouble. His wife later told police what actually happened and Ferris confessed to fabricating the secret agent/special ops story, claiming that he did not want to get Hicks in trouble. Both men ended up in jail.