When will I find it?

Valentine’s day is a day for love, romance, but also crushing loneliness and petty revenge. An animal rehabilitation centre in Oregon knows that very well and has decided to channel those feelings to raise money and feed some bears.

The announcement on the centre’s Facebook page reads: “Did you fall hook, line, and sinker for someone who broke your heart? Kodi & Yak would love to help you get your revenge! In exchange for a $20 donation, your ex’s name will be on a salmon and served up for dinner.” The dinner will be served on Valentine’s day and photos of the carnage will be sent to you.

If you are not that into fish, you can also name a cockroach or a venomous snake after your ex. The Bronx Zoo’s “Name a roach” program is back again by popular demand. They advertise it as “A timeless gift. After the chocolates have been eaten and the flowers wilt, roaches remain thriving and triumphant. Give the gift that’s eternal and Name a Roach for Valentine’s Day.” The Sydney Zoo lets you name venomous brown snakes after your ex.

Kim Jong-un has been very pleased with the way his relationship with his new bae is going. As we already know, Trump spoke of this budding romance at a rally in West Virginia in September where he said of Jong-un: “He wrote me beautiful letters and they’re great letters. We fell in love.”

The two have reportedly exchanged a number of letters since their first meeting in June last year which made them realize they were meant for each other. A second date is planned for February. I wish the new couple a harmonious, long-lasting relationship and a healthy sex life. Here is a list of 7 best sex positions for a long-term relationship that might help them keep the spark alive.

Her name is Amethyst Brown and she claims that she has had sex with 15 different ghosts, but is now settling down with a poltergeist she met in Australia.

They met in the Australian bush. “When I was in Australia taking a walk out in the bush, just suddenly it approached me. Just something you feel, an emotional physical presence. I fell in love with it I guess. It’s the one. ” said Amethyst about their first encounter.

On their flight back to England, they had sex in the toilet of the plane and joined the mile high club. Her ghost boyfriend asked her to marry her during their 9-month anniversary trip to the Wookey Hole caves in England. She is not sure what they will write on the wedding invitations or whether they will have them at all because the ghost does not have a name. “There was no going down on one knee — he doesn’t have knees. But for the first time, I heard him speak. I could actually hear his voice and it was beautiful. Deep, sexy and real.”

She is not exactly sure if her boyfriend is actually a boyfriend, but she claims that the sex of the ghost is not important to her.

She is also hoping to have a baby soon: “I hope so. I would hope physical. I’ve been looking at phantom pregnancies. I believe a phantom pregnancy is a real pregnancy but you have a phantom inside of you rather than a human baby. The reason we don’t carry them to full term is the people who have them don’t comprehend it or think it’s possible. I hope through understanding my body I will be able to. I don’t know what it will turn out like. Whether it would be in human form or spirit form – I don’t know.”

Well, congratulations on your wedding. Your mother must be very proud of you, Amethyst. Very, very proud.

Here is the full interview, if you really want to watch it: