Do you sometimes feel like you can’t do anything right? Try to imagine how this guy feels.

A woman from the UAE sought divorce from her husband at the Shariah court in Fujairah because she just could’t stand his love anymore. 

“He never yelled at me or turned me down. I was choked by extreme love and affection. He even helped me clean the house.” the woman, a UAE national, told the court.

The wife complained that her life was “hell” because the man was so kind to her. “I long for one day of dispute, but this seems impossible with my romantic husband who always forgave me and showered me with gifts. I need a real discussion, even an argument, not this hassle-free life of obedience.”

The husband said he did nothing wrong. “I wish to be a perfect and kind husband,” he said. The husband asked the court to advise his wife to withdraw the case. The court ordered the adjournment of the case to give the couple a chance at reconciliation. 

Your waste-of-oxygen husband has squeezed the toothpaste tube in the middle again? Why don’t you challenge him to a good old-fashioned marital duel and beat his face with a sack full of stones?

In the Middle Ages, married couples sometimes settled their differences through marital duels, which are a far less expensive option than a marriage counselor. Because of the difference in strength between them, the woman was given certain advantages.

In Medieval Justice: Cases and Laws in France, England and Germany, 500-1500, Hunt Janin writes:

In 1228, a woman fought a man at Berne, Switzerland, and soundly defeated him. German law provided that in such a case the man should be armed with three wooden clubs. He was to put be [sic] up to his waist in a three-food-wide hole dug in the ground, with one hand tied behind his back. The woman was to be armed with three rocks, each weighing between one and five pounds, and each one wrapped in cloth. The man could not leave his hole but the woman was free to run around the edge of the pit.
If the man touched the edge of the pit with either his hand or arm, he had to surrender one of his clubs to the judges. If the woman hit him with a rock while he was doing so, she forfeited one of her stones. Bizarre as it may seem to us today, this marital duel was very far from play-acting. For both parties, the penalty for defeat was death. If the woman won, the man was executed; if the man won, the woman was buried alive.

In other drawings the man sits in a tub; in one the two fight with drawn swords. “Judicial duels were common enough in the medieval and early modern period to merit etiquette books,” writes scholar Allison Coudert, “but, as far as I know, nowhere except in the Holy Roman Empire were judicial duels ever considered fitting means to settle marital disputes, and no record of such a duel has been found after 1200, at which time a couple is reported to have fought with the sanction of the civic authorities at Bâle.” The drawings that have survived come from historical treatises of the 15th and 16th centuries.

A couple has actually tried to reproduce such a duel. Here is the video:


A Utah County woman was arrested after falsely reporting that her husband killed her.

Police received a 911 call from a woman saying that a man told her he shot his wife. The woman was allegedly the mistress of the husband, and when the wife found this out she took his phone and left. She then texted the mistress pretending to be him, and told her he shot his wife, wondering how the woman would react. She reacted in a very predictable manner and called the police, of course.

Several officers arrived at the home within minutes and when the alleged murderer walked up to them things got a little bit confusing, but he eventually managed to explain the bizarre sequence of events and convince the police there is nothing wrong with his wife. Except maybe her mental health, but that is not a matter for the police.

The wife was arrested and charged with investigation of criminal mischief and making a false police report involving death. The couple has only been married for 10 months.

This is not the Onion. This is actual news from planet Earth in the year 2019. The Utah State Legislature has passed a bill on last Tuesday that repealed the misdemeanor crime of fornication, making sex outside of marriage legal in the state.

According to FOX13 Salt Lake City, the House passed Senate Bill 43 with a 41-32 vote. The bill was sent to Republican Gov. Gary Herbert for his signature or veto. It was unclear if he supports the bill. Some conservative members of the state House did not like the bill and voted against it. Remember, this was last Tuesday in the year 2019. Not in 1546.

“What is legally is often far below what is morally right,” said state Republican Rep. Kevin Stratton, who objected to the bill. “And I recognize our laws are not strong enough to rule an immoral people.”

Sex between unmarried people was criminalized in 1973, but the regulation was largley not enforced.

This is what marriage does to you.

Her name is Amethyst Brown and she claims that she has had sex with 15 different ghosts, but is now settling down with a poltergeist she met in Australia.

They met in the Australian bush. “When I was in Australia taking a walk out in the bush, just suddenly it approached me. Just something you feel, an emotional physical presence. I fell in love with it I guess. It’s the one. ” said Amethyst about their first encounter.

On their flight back to England, they had sex in the toilet of the plane and joined the mile high club. Her ghost boyfriend asked her to marry her during their 9-month anniversary trip to the Wookey Hole caves in England. She is not sure what they will write on the wedding invitations or whether they will have them at all because the ghost does not have a name. “There was no going down on one knee — he doesn’t have knees. But for the first time, I heard him speak. I could actually hear his voice and it was beautiful. Deep, sexy and real.”

She is not exactly sure if her boyfriend is actually a boyfriend, but she claims that the sex of the ghost is not important to her.

She is also hoping to have a baby soon: “I hope so. I would hope physical. I’ve been looking at phantom pregnancies. I believe a phantom pregnancy is a real pregnancy but you have a phantom inside of you rather than a human baby. The reason we don’t carry them to full term is the people who have them don’t comprehend it or think it’s possible. I hope through understanding my body I will be able to. I don’t know what it will turn out like. Whether it would be in human form or spirit form – I don’t know.”

Well, congratulations on your wedding. Your mother must be very proud of you, Amethyst. Very, very proud.

Here is the full interview, if you really want to watch it: