A few days ago, residents of the Phoenix area in the United States saw interesting shapes in the sky left by military airplanes. Many claimed the shapes resembled penises, which I agree with. The photos of the shapes received a lot of attention online and the US Air Force felt they need to clear things up.

Officials from said their pilots did not intentionally draw male anatomy with aircraft contrails in the skies above the Phoenix area.

Base spokesperson Becky Heyse told the Arizona Republic that leadership of the 56th Fighter Wing has reviewed the photos and flight audio to determine the shapes were made unintentionally. The F-35 fighter jets were conducting standard training maneuvers Tuesday. Heyse says the contrails were made as the jets were about to engage in a simulated dogfight.

If you ask me, if it looks like an intentional sky penis, swims like an intentional sky penis, quacks like an intentional sky penis, it probably is an intentional sky penis. No matter what officials say.

New research by Gordon Muir, a urologist at King’s College Hospital in London, finds that procedures to make penises larger do not work, are “ineffective and risky” and leave many men physically or psychologically scarred, with an expert saying they should almost never be carried out and that men were being exploited by “charlatans”.

There is “scant” evidence that the range of procedures men undergo in an attempt to enlarge their penis actually produce that result, according to a review by British experts.

“These procedures should almost never be done,” said Muir. “They can cost up to £30,000 or even £40,000, often the man ends up with a penis that is disfigured and there is no more than 20% satisfaction rates with these procedures.”

But not all hope is lost. You can always try those penis enlargement pills they advertise on porn sites. Those definitely work 100%. If you have money, you can also do what many men do and just compensate with a massive douchy car and excessive muscles.

Peter Jacobsson, 32, was brought to the hospital after he shot himself in the penis. His .22-caliber gun dropped out of his pocket, hit the ground and fired on a busy street on Wednesday in Lincoln, Nebraska. The bullet hit the 32-year-old’s manhood. He has had treatment in hospital to gruesome injuries to his genitals, local media reports.

The man remains in a non-life-threatening condition in hospital but has been charged with various offenses. Luke Bonkiewicz, an officer with Lincoln Police Department, said the botched shooting happened on Wednesday at around 8.45pm near Bryan West Campus, a medical center in the Irvingdale area of the town.

Jacobsson has been charged on suspicion of discharging a firearm in the city and possession of a deadly weapon by a prohibited person.

We hope that he gets well soon, but we also hope that natural selection has ensured that none of his offspring get a chance to walk around with guns in their pockets.

Remember that guy who never washed his penis in his life? If you are considering buying him a birthday present, this might be the right choice.

A new product has started to appear in supermarkets and on Amazon. It is called Boners Penis Cleaner and the name says it all.

According to some Amazon reviews, it is fantastic. One gave the product five stars, and added: “Amazing, penis looked magical afterwards and smelled like rainbows.” Another wrote: “After testing the three most used methods of penis cleansing, I have found that out of soap and water, green tea shampoo and Boners penis cleaner that this product would have had five stars if it was priced for sale in B&M or the local pound shop,” they wrote.

First of all, I have the feeling that washing your penis with a bit of soap and water and hanging a Little Tree car air freshener on it would give you the same magical effect. Second, what does a rainbow smell like?

Every year on March 15th, one of the two japanese penis festivals takes place in the town of Komaki, just north of Nagoya. The other, even more famous festival, takes place on the 7th April in Kawasaki.

Thousands of people have flocked to the festival this year to join the celebration which consist of eating various penis shaped snacks and carrying a giant 400 kg wooden penis through town.

Hōnen Matsuri (豊年祭, “Harvest Festival”) is a fertility festival celebrated every year on March 15 in JapanHōnen means prosperous year in Japanese, implying a rich harvest, while a matsuri is a festival. The Hōnen festival and ceremony celebrate the blessings of a bountiful harvest and all manner of prosperity and fertility.

The festival starts with celebration and preparation at 10:00 a.m. at Tagata Jinja, where all sorts of foods and souvenirs (mostly phallus-shaped or related) are sold. Sake is also passed out freely from large wooden barrels. At about 2:00 p.m. everyone gathers at Shinmei Sha for the start of the procession. Shinto priests say prayers and impart blessings on the participants and mikoshi, as well as on the large wooden phallus, which are to be carried along the parade route.

Sake is distributed free of charge during the whole day and according to Japan`s tourist board, there has never been any kind of incident recorded at the festival.

The best part is that he made this confession on TV. The 24-year-old Zack appeared on the TV show The Sex Clinic complaining of pain and an ‘irritated tip’ of the penis. He also mentioned a smell that was emanating from his crotch area. Gross, Zack! Just Gross! I am fighting not to throw up while I’m typing this.

Zack told the doctor he’d been having some issues retracting his foreskin. It was at this point that he mentioned that during the whole 24 years he was on this planet, he hadn’t pulled his own foreskin back and washed it properly. He also previously “had the clap” and “caught Gonorrhea from some lass too.”

The Oscar for the most disgusting penis definitely goes to you, Zack. You have outgrossed them all. Congratulations!