A security guard in Waukesha, Wisconsin had to call police after he handcuffed himself on purpose.It happened Friday morning inside a Bath and Body Works store. 

Police say the man told them he was bored, so he put the handcuffs on. He forgot the keys at home.After officers freed him, they say he hid the handcuffs from himself so he wouldn’t put them on again. 

He said this wasn’t the first time he handcuffed himself and didn’t have the key. It also probably isn’t the last time. The man is obviously a repeat offender.

Heavy sigh.

Former presidential candidate and Texas Senator, Ted Cruz, claimed during a hearing last week that the threat of space pirates is very real.

“Since the ancient Greeks first put to sea, nations have recognized the necessity of naval forces and maintaining a superior capability to protect waterborne travel and commerce from bad actors,” Cruz said last week in Washington. Pirates threaten the open seas, and the same is possible in space.”

He was defending President Donald Trump’s formation of a US Space Force, to defend the country’s interests in the final frontier.

It did not take long for the internet to start making fun of him and Ted Cruz is now angry.

“Hey @jack,” the Senator tweeted at the site’s chief executive, “how come Twitter’s ‘moment’ quotes all the snarky leftists making fun of my comments, but doesn’t include my tweets in response explaining the real point that NATIONS like China have already developed & tested weapons to destroy satellites?” he tweeted. He also posted this pirate tweet:

Shanelle Cartwright, 20, wife of popular Australian rugby player Bryce Cartwright, whose only other achievement is that she has a lot of Instagram followers, claims she and her husband suffer from allergies and auto-immune problems because of inoculations and are still ‘healing’ from them. Instead, they say they focused on the ‘gut health’ of their youngsters by ‘exclusively breastfeeding’ for the first six months.

She, of course, backs all this up with scientific research published in the renowned scientific magazine called Facebook. Research that has all been peer-reviewed by her aunt Tammy and her best friend whose name is also Shanelle. Aunty Tammy blames vaccination for the fact she never got married and Shanelle, same as Shanelle, read many very convincing Facebook posts against vaccination.

She is also of the opinion that “All mammals will instinctively NOT soil their nest and will eliminate where mum tells them to. Just like you teach a kitten to go in a litter box or a puppy to only go outside – you teach a baby the same.”

Well, good luck predicting the exact moment when your newborn, who can´t walk to the litterbox or outside by itself, will take a shit. Hint: You can always tell by the eyes. Look that infant deep into the eyes and you will see the poop coming.

Americans were asked to show any country they know on a world map. Any country at all. Just one. Take a look how that went.