New research by Gordon Muir, a urologist at King’s College Hospital in London, finds that procedures to make penises larger do not work, are “ineffective and risky” and leave many men physically or psychologically scarred, with an expert saying they should almost never be carried out and that men were being exploited by “charlatans”.

There is “scant” evidence that the range of procedures men undergo in an attempt to enlarge their penis actually produce that result, according to a review by British experts.

“These procedures should almost never be done,” said Muir. “They can cost up to £30,000 or even £40,000, often the man ends up with a penis that is disfigured and there is no more than 20% satisfaction rates with these procedures.”

But not all hope is lost. You can always try those penis enlargement pills they advertise on porn sites. Those definitely work 100%. If you have money, you can also do what many men do and just compensate with a massive douchy car and excessive muscles.